Yesterday, I won a contest sponsored by Capitol Hill Seattle (CHS)— an addictive website that is my go-to source for information on all the gruesome murders and/or hot new restaurants on "The Hill," the (incidentally, Capitol-free) neighborhood in Seattle where I currently live. This was pretty exciting, since I hadn’t won a contest since the first grade, when I took the grand prize in a watermelon eating competition. (I lived in the South and went to public school, so eating contests were a core part of the curriculum.)
|Above: A few reasons why I should never be left alone with an edible-ink pen...|
This time, the contest involved “conversation hearts.” You know— those chalky, cheeky candies that pop up like a cold sore around Valentine’s Day, bearing messages that sound like they might’ve been written by Popeye the Sailor Man, e.g., “Be Mine,” “Hot Stuff,” or, simply, “Hey.” The goal was to think up something more interesting to put on them than the usual schlock. My suggestion was for a heart that reads “GGG,” per the oeuvre of Dan Savage, Seattle’s favorite local and national sex advice columnist. If you don’t know what “GGG”—Good, Giving, Game—means in this context, please stop whatever you’re doing and go read the archives (the annals, as it were) of Savage Love until you get it. If necessary, take a day off work.