Thursday, April 26, 2012

A Spy in the House of Cake

In which we continue yesterday's post about Seattle's various deceptively named retail establishments...

A bit further down Seattle's Deceptive Naming Corridor between Pike and Pine Streets, you’ll find a colorful little place called Cake Spy (415 E Pine Street). Approaching this boutique, you might be tractor-beamed in by a large picture of a cupcake. Or the word “cake” in neon letters (hungry yet?). Before you start salivating, be warned! You will find no cakes, nor edibles of any kind. Most of the merchandise features paintings or drawings of sassy, “emotive” cupcakes, often involving bacon and/or unicorns, for some reason. It’s a bit like having a shop called Sex Spy, but instead of selling sex toys, they only had framed pen-and-ink pictures of sassy, “emotive” vibrators and butt plugs (come to think of it, there's probably a market for that in Seattle...).
Yes, Unicorn and Robot have hit "that phase" in their relationship. He thinks she's to old for the heart "tramp stamp," and she aught to consider laser tattoo removal.
This isn’t to say that I’m immune to Cake Spy’s discreet charms. In fact, I'm kind of in love with the place. On a recent trip to their storefront on Pine Street, I purchased an adorable mug featuring a pie-eating robot and his/her companion (partner?), a unicorn holding what appears to be a dildo. I plan to give this to a friend who is a “unicorn” (i.e., a single woman who is occasionally the magical, unpaid “third” sex partner of a married couple).  I also snagged a print of two cupcakes—one standing on a footstool, for some reason—embodying an Andy Warhol quote. It is now hanging in our foyer, next to a painting of a panda eating a corn dog (from an unrelated artist). In fact, a disturbing amount of our household decor involves an anthropomorphic ______ eating a phallic-shaped object.
Surely Andy meant to add, "...and a penis" to his list of requirements (not pictured).
The planning phase of the shop must’ve gone something like this: “Hmmm… let’s open a cake-themed shop, but, we won’t sell any actual cakes (way too in-demand!). Instead, we’ll sell prints, and mugs, and tote bags featuring Zen cupcakes who make pithy observations about life.”  That, my friends, takes guts.You might also say it takes the cake. But that would be really annoying, so please don't.

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