This Clown Wants to Help You Get Pregnant...

They say that laughter is the best medicine—and , apparently, it can also get you pregnant. You know, like French kissing??

According to a recent article in the San Francisco Chronicle, clowns are now a staple of fertility wards, and are on hand after IVF procedures to help lighten the mood.  So, if you’re struggling with fertility issues, here’s hoping you’re not also struggling with a crippling fear of clowns…

When I read the headline, I imagined a clown bursting into the room. “Hiya, Kids! I’m Blasto the Blastocyst-Loving Clown! I’m here to impregnate your head with laughter!” Then, I guess, Blasto the Clown would twist up some balloon fetuses? Or maybe balloon sperm? (Actually, that would be pretty awesome...)
 

The article featured a professional medical clown, Nimrod Eisenberg, received his bachelor’s degree in Medical Clowning at the University of Haifa (presumably with a minor in Disappointing His Mother). According to Eisenberg, medical clowning is a big thing in his native Israel, “where anyone who wants a clown can have one.”

More disturbingly, it seems that medical clowns are sometimes even used as a replacement for general anesthesia. (I had no idea Barnum & Bailey had branched into Managed Healthcare, but why not?). “We would knock you out for this appendectomy, but look! Blasto's friend, Gastro the Gastroenterology Clown is making a hilarious little balloon appendix for ya instead!”

Of course, if you really want a clown to get you pregnant, you might also consider the “soup to nuts” option (no pun intended), and go with this guy:

Sugar Weasel: "More fun to ride than a pony."
(Photo via The Stranger, via Concierge du Monde.)

Sugar Weasel (pictured above) is a straight male escort clown residing in Austin, Texas, here to fulfill your wildest nightmares dreams. Read all about him here, or on his website. NSFW, unless you work in a clown-prostitute-friendly kind of office (so, everyone in Seattle, at least, should be fine reading this at work).

If you ask me, it's NSFE (Not Suitable for Eyeballs), so consider yourself warned...