Friday, June 8, 2012

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of "Meh" Chicken

American Heroes
In the online version of the same distinguished media outlet where I came across yesterday's free advertizing article about Taco Bell's new menu options, you will also find this courageous story about a guy in a chicken suit who got flag-jacked in front of a certain fast-food chain. While I'm 100% certain that this theft was NOT staged as free advertizing for the "Grand Re-Opening" of the restaurant, I'm not going to repeat the name of the restaurant. Let's just call it BM, since those are (kinda appropriately, if you ask me) its initials.

The BM chain is primarily a purveyor of chicken products, hence the get-up. But, why is the chicken waving a flag?? Is eating chicken somehow a patriotic act? "I love America so much I can't stop eating these drumsticks!"  You'd think that "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of sub-par chicken" was written into the Declaration of Independence. Or is dressing up in a chicken suit the patriotic part? That we're sticking it to all those oppressive regimes that forbid the representation of a chicken in human-sized synthetic form?

Also, am I the only one who finds it a bit disturbing when the animal that's going to be eaten is also the one trying to get folks to come in and eat his breatheren?  It's like those BBQ joints we have in the South: the mascots are invariably a fat, smiling pig wearing an apron and holding a basting brush, or possibly a knife and fork. Is the pig supposed to be a cannibal? He wants to eat his fellow pigs?

But we're skating around the real issue, which is: what are we, as a society, going to do about the scourge of flag-jacking among people dressed like chickens? What about the brave Americans who dress as hot dogs, or submarine sandwiches, or even Statue of Liberty? Are we going to allow the ultimate symbol of our country, people dressed like fast food products the American Flag, to be treated in such a cavalier fashion? Why isn't this being discussed in the Presidential debates? Where do the candidates stand on this crucial issue?

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