Friday, August 3, 2012

Guitar Protagonist !

BIG NEWS, you guys: I’ve decided to start an all-girl Ramones cover band, which will be called The Ramonas. It is going to be SO awesome.

The only thing I need to do now is learn to play the guitar. Seriously, how hard could it be?

Okay, turns out it can be pretty hard. And more than a little bit painful (ouch, my fingers/hand!). But my firm philosophy when it comes to new hobbies has always been, “If at first you don’t succeed, stop doing that thing and simply make fun of it instead.” However, I’m determined that the guitar will not go in the Discarded Hobby Pile along with the knitting needles, jewelry-making equipment, and the yards of hot-pink sequined fabric (someday, I swear, it will be turned into an awesome tutu dress; by then, I’ll just be way too old to wear it and/or walk).

Although this has been the case for almost seven years, it occurred to me the other day that I was living in the same house as a) a guitar and b) someone who could teach me how to play it. In this long-belated Eureka Moment, I made Paul stop whatever he was doing (most likely watching Antiques Roadshow or Downton Abbey, like the good 70-year-old lady from Surrey that he is in his most secret heart…), and made him start teaching me to play.
My Wide Stance (also an alternate band name...)

So far, I’ve learned to play three chords (not very well, but who cares?), so I figure I’m pretty much ready to start a band, and, shortly thereafter, get signed to a major label.  According to Paul, I have mastered the most important part of playing the guitar.

“You have to have a wide stance,” he says, about holding the guitar. I bite my tongue to avoid making a too-easy joke about being a conservative politician in a men’s airport bathroom. “Then, make a face like you’re having an orgasm.” So I did.

Stay tuned for updates on The Ramonas! Maybe I'll knit a bunch of awesome merch to sell when we start to play out next month? I'm sure that's in NO WAY premature.

Now, I just need to learn how to knit...


  1. Go! Use drop D and floor it. Who needs real chords?

  2. Three chords?! That's plenty to play most Ramones tunes. I recommend brushing up on your Sleater-Kinney, too:

  3. At the risk of sounding like someone from an episode of Portlandia, I was totally listening to Sleater-Kinney back in the '90s. :)