Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Pablo the Burrito Unicorn Goes To Burning Man


I came across this sign the other day, a few blocks from my house. As much as I had to roll my eyes at the thought of a hipster Burrito Unicorn (Burriticorn?), the thought of the Pablo insouciantly flying over bridges made feel warm and fuzzy about living this neighborhoodone where plush mythological/fast-food creatures are not bound by the shackles of gravity, and are worried over.

You come across a sea of “Lost!” posters here on Seattle’s Capitol Hill, usually featuring mug shots of cats and dogs (who are only occasionally shaped like popular Mexican food items). These posters often provoke a lively debate as to whether or not these pets should be kept indoors. Outside, they’re prone to encounter cars, raccoons, coyotes & other critters that Pixar films would lead you to believe are adorable and sassy and have compelling back-stories, whereas, in real life, most of them are just kind of a-holes. Below is one of the most memorable posters of the summer, re: a sneezy, transgendered kitty named Lola (good news: she was found!).
ALLERGIC TO HUMANS??
A feature-length cartoon about Lola's Big Night is forthcoming.
Please???Photo via CHS/ @uncle_vinny
My theory is that most of these animals aren’t “lost” so much as “escaped.” Behind each wide-eyed tabby on the posters, I always imagine a feline version of The Great Escape, or maybe The Shawshank Redemption. These cats have been planning it from day one. They’re the ones who rolled the bottle of whiskey in front of you, so that you would leave the door open…

As for Pablo, are his owners sure he’s really “lost”? Maybe he just decided to pick up and go to Burning Man with all the other flying Burrito Unicorns. Now that the BM festival is over, Pablo should be rolling back in any day now. WARNINGS: You’ll be shaking out the sand and glitter for weeks. He may use words like “epic,” “intense” and (worst of all) “neo-pagan” more than any person and/or mythological burrito-beast has any right to. Also, you’re bound to have a few moments of confusion before you remember that Special K isn’t just a breakfast cereal.

Here’s hoping that Pablo wasn’t in fact eaten by a stuffed Chihuahua-Pegasus (Chihuagasus?) who only eats plush Mexican foods with a single horn...

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