Sunday, January 20, 2013

I Can Has Breakfast Fudz?



Great news, cat owners! Does it ever bother you that your cats don’t eat the same kinds of foods YOU enjoy for breakfast? If so*, you'll be excited to know that the good folks at Fancy Feast Corp have come up with a solution!

Yes, it’s Fancy Feast Mornings: Breakfast food for your cats, “with accents of veggies and egg”  (and, of course, chicken vaginas).
This coupon/ad was taped to the can of the "afternoon/evening" cat food
that I was so thoughtlessly feeding my cats...
Apparently, many cat owners get a big sad over the fact that their feline companions can’t enjoy, say, a Jimmy Dean pancake-wrapped sausage on a stick as a morning treat. After all, your cat is a member of the family. Why should he eat something so pedestrian and déclassé as CAT FOOD in the morning? Would you feed your kids a can of assorted anuses and kidneys first thing in the morning? I think not. (Unless, of course, you happen to be Scottish.)
Above: Why They Hate Us (cats, terrorists, vegans, etc.)
Probably contains as many animal anuses as most cat food, so joke's on you.
..
Instead, you’d want them to enjoy the kinds of foods that all people, everywhere** like to eat in the morning, according to the Universal Law of Breakfast. It’s only natural.

Granted, if the situation were reversed, Mr. Fluffles would think that you should be eating mouse anuses for breakfast. But whatever.

Every time I think I’m becoming a crazy cat lady, I see something like this, and realize that I still have at least one foot firmly planted in reality. While cats are awesome—and inspire a lot of LOLs, both on the Internets and IRL, THEY ARE F*%#ING CATS.  Much like the Scots, they enjoy eating the entrails of beast and fowl, morning, noon and night. They don’t need to eat a Hardee’s Big Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit in the morning (neither does any human, for that matter).

And they still don’t need appetizers, either.

*Have you taken your medication today??  If not, please do that now. And, for God’s sake, take the bow tie and collar off Mr. Fluffles. Cats do NOT “like to dress up to watch Downton Abbey.” He is contemplating killing you in your sleep.

**Except in most of the world.

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